Thursday, March 10, 2011

"Sign Language"

The sign language that I am speaking of is that spoken through the posting of signs throughout one's home, not the form of communication employed by the hearing impaired.  No, this form is employed by those that are apparently expecting their house guests and residents to be impaired in such a was as to be unable to identify where they are, what they are supposed to do, and what room they are in.  
Is your kitchen really a BISTRO, as labeled?  Doubt it.  Is your suburban range pumping out French delicacies that are going to be served at a charming CAFE in Paris?  (Of course you have probably identified your breakfast bar with a plaque stating CAFE, so I suppose anything is possible.)
After your croissant, you can head to the restroom, which has been conveniently labeled as the OUTHOUSE.  This, of course, really adds to the country charm and antique feel of your home that was built last year.  While in the bathroom, you get sucked into the INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE plastered above the kleenex box.  As you step out of your zen-moment, you wonder where am I anyway?  Instantly you are reminded and grounded by that fact that you are at the LAKE HOUSE.  It's conveniently posted right above the couch.  The home is owned by THE TAYLORS.  (That's over the TV.)
Now that you know exactly where you are, perhaps you need guidance in what you ought to be doing.  This is where signage along the lines of LAUGH, LIVE, LOVE comes in. 
Don't mean to be peevish here, but...If you need to instruct someone in your home to LAUGH, your probably not that funny.  Lord help you if you have to remind them to LIVE (might want to invest in a set of defibrillators rather than that shabby chic sign).  And, if they need a banner to tell them to LOVE you, try taking away all of the plaques - they may at least like you more.

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