Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Long Fingernails in the Wrong Places

When I say the wrong places in regards to long fingernails, I am not talking about a certain restaurant or exclusive "no fingernail" club.  (Although perhaps these types of limitations should be enforced - I once went to a brunch buffet when I was about twelve with a full set of Lee Press-Ons and you can't imagine the amount of whipped cream I later recovered from under those babies.)  Anyway, back to the wrong places.  What I mean, specifically, is - 1. On the hands of men, and 2. On the feet of anyone.
I get that long fingernails are making a resurgence, thank you to the likes of Beyonce and Rhianna.  I may not be growing out my daggers anytime soon, but I can appreciate those who wish to do so.  If you've got 'em, grow 'em.
I do not, however, get long fingernails on men.  Ever.  Talk about gag me with a bottle of clear coat.  Long nails on men is so Count Dracula.  Gross.  Likely excuses:  You play the guitar or some other stringed instrument.  So...get a pic; the fingernails are still inexcusable.  I've also heard that people have long fingernails in order to do some type of drug.  Cocaine?  Well, if you've ever needed a reason to kick the habit...Long fingernails could be the straw that broke the addicts back.
Let's confront the ugliness of long toenails.  It just seems so wrong, harking back to those frightening photos you used to marvel over/be revolted by as a child in the Guinness Book of World Records of that mysterious Chinese lady that had never cut her toenails, which twisted and contorted themselves around her sandals.  (I searched for a photo of this memory, but can't seem to find one.  Perhaps the modern world can't handle it.)  Please don't get a French manicure on your toes.  You're supposed to be able to put those things in shoes and run and stuff.  Keep it clean.

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