Saturday, March 5, 2011

If that Hat fits, it doesn't mean you should wear it

This pet peeve is about hats.  Specifically, the hats that don't fall into any particular, utilitarian category other than "fashion."  Not a baseball cap, cowboy hat, certainly not a hat to keep you warm, but rather those hats that say only "Look at me in jaunty cap.  Aren't I sassy?" 
This look is, in fact, usually a descendant of a formerly functioning piece of head wear.  There is the military-inspired hat that has a certain "Reporting for Duty"-circa World War II look.  And there is also the "Gov'ner, care for today's paper for a quid?" look of the remastered newsboy cap.  The problem with these hats, perhaps better called 'looks' or 'fashion statements', is that I feel a need to put them on the stage of a small town summer production of a bad musical.  They require a costume from the neck-down, not just the neck-up.
Also, these types of jaunty caps are never put on by accident.  Never to cover up an unbrushed head of hair - no matter how much the wearer would like you to think that they just casually threw this old thing on.  No, they are quintessentially an intentional trip down the runway of life.  In fact, - and this could be it's own pet peeve, as it applies to all types of hats - the hair is often quaffed and styled around the cap itself.  That's right, I am suggesting that first the hat is placed on top of the head and then actually followed by styling tools and products to form the hair into the perfect companion to the chapeau.  If that doesn't ring your peeve bell, I don't know what does!  Oh, wait, perhaps it is when women actually bobby-pin a hat into place, allowing for the full strandular glory of their hair to be the star, with the hat working as a perfectly set stage.  Unless it is a tiara (and don't think that it is okay to wear tiaras unless it is under VERY specific circumstances) bobby pins should never be employed when putting on a lid.
So - just to reCAP (ha, ha)...Hats should not require you to be eating military rations or to don a cockney accent.  And, unless you are going as Private Benjamen for Halloween or starring as one of the extras in a production of Oliver Twist, your hat should have some semblance of purpose other than an attempt to be a fashionista.

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