Mall bangs are the large set of fluffed and hair-sprayed bangs that project against natural tendency from the front of the head, often forced there with the use of a curling iron, hairdryer, styling ointments, or any glue-like substance that can be put to use. Many of us sported this, or a similar look, at some point during the 1980s. As we enter the second decade of the 2000s, the pet peeve surrounding mall bangs is simply their audacity to continue to spring from the heads of countless women across the nation. Perhaps this is less of a pet peeve, and more of a mystery.
My beef is with the hairdressers that insist on sculpting heads in this manner and boldly referring to themselves as "stylists." Stylists of what? Maybe if they were on the set of 'The Wedding Singer' or preparing the wig of Candace Cameron, a la Full House, for a wax museum likeness.
Perhaps the hairdressers have no choice. Is it the clients themselves that are forcing the scissored hand at the salon, demanding a permanent wave and full set of mall bangs to match? The mystery remains. There is no Hollywood starlet setting this trend into action, certainly no fashion magazine or designer runway showing bangs the size of a swollen softball. Where is the idea that the mall bang is still a vital look coming from? Not even the pages of LL Bean or the storefront of Deb would dare.
I am not going to implore people to stop teasing and spraying up their mall bangs or even to step into this new century, but, rather, I ask for someone to give me an answer to this mystery. How, like an outbreak of Gremlins, are the mall bangs still reproducing?