*Peeve One in the Trials of Travel Week
How can you tell who the most important guy on your flight is? No, you won't recognize him from the movies. No, he isn't sitting in first class. And, no, he is not the pilot. You will only be able to recognize this higher echelon of traveler by his behaviors as he makes his way from point A to point B. Your first clue is going to be his manner of boarding the aircraft. They are allowing boarding for first class and those needing extra help (families with small children, people with a disability, etc). Screw that, he says. When you're as important as he is, you just board, damn it. (This allows him to be completely settled in with all of his what-nots spread out and seat belt fastened when his fellow passengers board at the proper time and must ask him to allow them into his row. This, of course, is accompanied by much deliberate movement, sighing, and penetrating stares aimed at those entering the row.) All of this is self inflicted.
Another clue on who the most important guy on your flight is will be how this person exits the plane. General courteousness suggests that passengers file out of their rows in order, each row proceeding prior to the row in front of them. But this guy is too important for that. He might be in the last row of the plane, but he is willing to bum rush elderly ladies and small children to be the first one out of the plane. That's right, this is the guy that hockey checks you as you rise fruitlessly from your seat only to be pinned in by him. Does he have a connection that he is going to miss? Probably not. Is he in his best business suit rushing to get to that job interview or life threatening meeting? Cooler full of organs? Nah, he's in sweatpants. He's just that important! He needs, no he demands, that he be the first guy waiting at the empty baggage carousel.