Does anyone register a peeve when someone (I won't mention any names) says that they will post one pet peeve everyday and then misses two days?
Well....
I was on an exotic out-of-the-country excursion and didn't have access to a computer. (OK, I was in a hotel in Canada with all electronic amenities, but...) I need a little flexibility.
I do have a couple more travel pet peeves to share before the week is over!
First, does no one understand that if everyone were to step back about five paces from the baggage claim belt, that one and all would be able to step forward and claim their luggage when it was spotted? Why do people insist on standing with their toes touching the baggage claim, creating a tight picket fence which allows no one to reach in for their bag, let alone see it coming out? Give those Samsonites a little breathing room!
Second, if I have to take off my shoes, my scarf, my belt, my watch, and my jacket at security, can I please be left with a shred of my dignity and my cardigan? Do we really consider a thin cotton sweater a "jacket"? No, sir, not in this metal detector. I am often wearing a undershirt underneath of the sort that I wouldn't walk around my house in. I hardly want to flash it to the traveling public.
Lastly, shut it. Sometimes people just aren't in the mood to talk to you on a plane. period.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
All of your Baggage
*Peeve Five in the Trials of Travel Week
I've got a couple of peeves regarding passenger baggage. First, I'd like to talk about "carry on" luggage. The very name insinuates that you should be able to carry it / lift it. So, first step to determining if it is, in fact, carry-on luggage is if you can carry it. (This is often not the case, as the enormous items brought on planes by many can certainly not be hefted over their heads into the overhead bins.) Carry-on luggage is clearly defined, if not enforced, by the airlines. You are allowed one piece of small luggage and one personal item. For those that do not know, a personal item is a purse or a wallet (think small), not a large duffel bag. So...your duffel bag, overstuffed roller bag, lumpy hobo purse, backpack, and grungy off-white pillow do not combine to be CARRY ON luggage.
This surplus of bologna baggage has gotten to the point that nearly every flight "gate checks" your carry-on luggage now. Which means that the mass of humanity that you managed to enter into the gate area with (without paying any of the new baggage fees) is now going under the plane with my legitimate, declared, and paid-for luggage. Sweet. I hope my luggage leaks hair gel on your luggage.
Solution? Why not start charging for CARRY ON luggage, which bangs old ladies in the head, slows down the security line to an excruciating pace, eliminates leg-room, and generally irritates everyone and let CHECKED luggage ride for free?
I've got a couple of peeves regarding passenger baggage. First, I'd like to talk about "carry on" luggage. The very name insinuates that you should be able to carry it / lift it. So, first step to determining if it is, in fact, carry-on luggage is if you can carry it. (This is often not the case, as the enormous items brought on planes by many can certainly not be hefted over their heads into the overhead bins.) Carry-on luggage is clearly defined, if not enforced, by the airlines. You are allowed one piece of small luggage and one personal item. For those that do not know, a personal item is a purse or a wallet (think small), not a large duffel bag. So...your duffel bag, overstuffed roller bag, lumpy hobo purse, backpack, and grungy off-white pillow do not combine to be CARRY ON luggage.
This surplus of bologna baggage has gotten to the point that nearly every flight "gate checks" your carry-on luggage now. Which means that the mass of humanity that you managed to enter into the gate area with (without paying any of the new baggage fees) is now going under the plane with my legitimate, declared, and paid-for luggage. Sweet. I hope my luggage leaks hair gel on your luggage.
Solution? Why not start charging for CARRY ON luggage, which bangs old ladies in the head, slows down the security line to an excruciating pace, eliminates leg-room, and generally irritates everyone and let CHECKED luggage ride for free?
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Drawing the Curtains
*Peeve Four in the Trials of Travel Week
One thing that I am peevamently passionate about when traveling by plane is the window coverings. First off, let me say that it is imperative and nonnegotiable that I have a window seat. In order to feel mentally and physically stable at 10,000 feet, I need to sit next to the window. The ability to see out of said window is the key to my being able to travel.
As the proprietor of the window seat, I believe that I am accorded the privilege of drapery patrol. That sash is staying up. Period. And although it has happened that somehow I end up in the middle or the aisle and have been subjected to that guy that pulls the shades down, I have swallowed my bile and sweated out the trip, craning my neck to see out of some other passenger's porthole. Because, as I said, it is their privilege to control the shade.
Please don't ask me to close the blind. (Trust me, it happens all the time) This time, it was "there is a glare on the movie." Well, I guess you should have thought about that before you requested an aisle and then ordered the headphones. Last time it was "my eyes are sensitive to the light." Okay, you really should have made sure you got the window seat and, may I suggest sunglasses?
Maybe you like the aisle for the extra leg room. Great for you. Go ahead and stretch out, just don't expect to be stretching across and closing my window blind.
One thing that I am peevamently passionate about when traveling by plane is the window coverings. First off, let me say that it is imperative and nonnegotiable that I have a window seat. In order to feel mentally and physically stable at 10,000 feet, I need to sit next to the window. The ability to see out of said window is the key to my being able to travel.
As the proprietor of the window seat, I believe that I am accorded the privilege of drapery patrol. That sash is staying up. Period. And although it has happened that somehow I end up in the middle or the aisle and have been subjected to that guy that pulls the shades down, I have swallowed my bile and sweated out the trip, craning my neck to see out of some other passenger's porthole. Because, as I said, it is their privilege to control the shade.
Please don't ask me to close the blind. (Trust me, it happens all the time) This time, it was "there is a glare on the movie." Well, I guess you should have thought about that before you requested an aisle and then ordered the headphones. Last time it was "my eyes are sensitive to the light." Okay, you really should have made sure you got the window seat and, may I suggest sunglasses?
Maybe you like the aisle for the extra leg room. Great for you. Go ahead and stretch out, just don't expect to be stretching across and closing my window blind.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
The Hierarchy of Plane Travel
*Peeve Three in the Trials of Travel Week
Something that really peeves me when I am traveling by plane are the levels of elite accorded to passengers. If you are just the average peon, who has bought the average $400.00 or so ticket, you are treated as such a lower life form as to often not even be assigned a seat. No, you are so unimportant that the airline doesn't even feel that they can commit to marking off a seat for your $400.00. You'll get that assigned to you when you arrive at the airport. (By a crusty worker that will put you in the middle seat between a guy with bad breath and an obese woman that is occupying her seat, the hand rest, and a portion of your seat.) Perhaps I would like to be able to withhold my money until I get a seat.
When you are ready to board the plane, you might notice that there is actually a red carpet rolled out in one section before the attendant. ( a la Oscars style) Please note that you are not allowed to tread on this rug. It is for the gold medallion, silver pant, platinum bearing customers only. Do you really have to demean me like this? You have already withheld a seat from me for over two months. You made me pay extra just to bring my clothes and toothbrush with me. I had to take my shoes off and undo my belt just to enter this portion of the building. You're going to herd me into a small and uncomfortable area like a head of cattle. Then you plan to serve me half of a can of warm coke with a single ice cube in it, withholding all food unless I give you more money. Isn't it enough? Do you really have to tell me that I can't walk down the maroon colored carpeting that you have rolled out?
Something that really peeves me when I am traveling by plane are the levels of elite accorded to passengers. If you are just the average peon, who has bought the average $400.00 or so ticket, you are treated as such a lower life form as to often not even be assigned a seat. No, you are so unimportant that the airline doesn't even feel that they can commit to marking off a seat for your $400.00. You'll get that assigned to you when you arrive at the airport. (By a crusty worker that will put you in the middle seat between a guy with bad breath and an obese woman that is occupying her seat, the hand rest, and a portion of your seat.) Perhaps I would like to be able to withhold my money until I get a seat.
When you are ready to board the plane, you might notice that there is actually a red carpet rolled out in one section before the attendant. ( a la Oscars style) Please note that you are not allowed to tread on this rug. It is for the gold medallion, silver pant, platinum bearing customers only. Do you really have to demean me like this? You have already withheld a seat from me for over two months. You made me pay extra just to bring my clothes and toothbrush with me. I had to take my shoes off and undo my belt just to enter this portion of the building. You're going to herd me into a small and uncomfortable area like a head of cattle. Then you plan to serve me half of a can of warm coke with a single ice cube in it, withholding all food unless I give you more money. Isn't it enough? Do you really have to tell me that I can't walk down the maroon colored carpeting that you have rolled out?
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Having to be Peevish while Vacationing
I'm visiting my sister in Seattle and tonight, as I settle in and adjust to the time change, my pet peeve is having to think up a pet peeve to write about. So, my peeve of the day is having to try to keep up this rigorous posting while vacationing.
Be back tomorrow.
Be back tomorrow.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Most Important Guy on the Airplane
*Peeve One in the Trials of Travel Week
How can you tell who the most important guy on your flight is? No, you won't recognize him from the movies. No, he isn't sitting in first class. And, no, he is not the pilot. You will only be able to recognize this higher echelon of traveler by his behaviors as he makes his way from point A to point B. Your first clue is going to be his manner of boarding the aircraft. They are allowing boarding for first class and those needing extra help (families with small children, people with a disability, etc). Screw that, he says. When you're as important as he is, you just board, damn it. (This allows him to be completely settled in with all of his what-nots spread out and seat belt fastened when his fellow passengers board at the proper time and must ask him to allow them into his row. This, of course, is accompanied by much deliberate movement, sighing, and penetrating stares aimed at those entering the row.) All of this is self inflicted.
Another clue on who the most important guy on your flight is will be how this person exits the plane. General courteousness suggests that passengers file out of their rows in order, each row proceeding prior to the row in front of them. But this guy is too important for that. He might be in the last row of the plane, but he is willing to bum rush elderly ladies and small children to be the first one out of the plane. That's right, this is the guy that hockey checks you as you rise fruitlessly from your seat only to be pinned in by him. Does he have a connection that he is going to miss? Probably not. Is he in his best business suit rushing to get to that job interview or life threatening meeting? Cooler full of organs? Nah, he's in sweatpants. He's just that important! He needs, no he demands, that he be the first guy waiting at the empty baggage carousel.
How can you tell who the most important guy on your flight is? No, you won't recognize him from the movies. No, he isn't sitting in first class. And, no, he is not the pilot. You will only be able to recognize this higher echelon of traveler by his behaviors as he makes his way from point A to point B. Your first clue is going to be his manner of boarding the aircraft. They are allowing boarding for first class and those needing extra help (families with small children, people with a disability, etc). Screw that, he says. When you're as important as he is, you just board, damn it. (This allows him to be completely settled in with all of his what-nots spread out and seat belt fastened when his fellow passengers board at the proper time and must ask him to allow them into his row. This, of course, is accompanied by much deliberate movement, sighing, and penetrating stares aimed at those entering the row.) All of this is self inflicted.
Another clue on who the most important guy on your flight is will be how this person exits the plane. General courteousness suggests that passengers file out of their rows in order, each row proceeding prior to the row in front of them. But this guy is too important for that. He might be in the last row of the plane, but he is willing to bum rush elderly ladies and small children to be the first one out of the plane. That's right, this is the guy that hockey checks you as you rise fruitlessly from your seat only to be pinned in by him. Does he have a connection that he is going to miss? Probably not. Is he in his best business suit rushing to get to that job interview or life threatening meeting? Cooler full of organs? Nah, he's in sweatpants. He's just that important! He needs, no he demands, that he be the first guy waiting at the empty baggage carousel.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
The Trials of Travel
I would like to dedicate this week of peevishness to the trials of traveling, in honor of spring break 2011. I will start by saying that it boggles my mind how people abandon any sense of politeness or moral decency when they enter an airport. I swear that the masses would trample their own mother if it meant a better seat on the plane or a more prime standing location at the baggage claim.
Each day this week I will expound upon my ideas surrounding the many peeves of traveling...
Each day this week I will expound upon my ideas surrounding the many peeves of traveling...
Friday, March 11, 2011
Stainless Steel Appliances
Do you ever watch those home shows like House Hunters and get irritated by the continuous whining of "I don't know about this house - it doesn't have stainless steel appliances..."? Or the raptures over "Oh, the kitchen is wonderful! It has the stainless steel appliances I was looking for." When did Frigidaire die and make the stainless appliance the only possible choice for the kitchen?
Am I the only person in America that has noticed that these appliances are not necessarily "high end" or posh? They are often ridiculously chinsy. In fact, what I like to call the usual "stainless steel appliance" is, in fact, a black appliance with a couple of strips of stainlessness. A truly stainless appliance is in a budget unattained by most people. So why is this black appliance with touch o' stainless the status symbol of so many?
I have no desire for black appliances, so I say embrace the possibilities! Heaven forbid, you might just find yourself equally awesome with a white refrigerator.
Am I the only person in America that has noticed that these appliances are not necessarily "high end" or posh? They are often ridiculously chinsy. In fact, what I like to call the usual "stainless steel appliance" is, in fact, a black appliance with a couple of strips of stainlessness. A truly stainless appliance is in a budget unattained by most people. So why is this black appliance with touch o' stainless the status symbol of so many?
I have no desire for black appliances, so I say embrace the possibilities! Heaven forbid, you might just find yourself equally awesome with a white refrigerator.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
"Sign Language"
The sign language that I am speaking of is that spoken through the posting of signs throughout one's home, not the form of communication employed by the hearing impaired. No, this form is employed by those that are apparently expecting their house guests and residents to be impaired in such a was as to be unable to identify where they are, what they are supposed to do, and what room they are in.
Is your kitchen really a BISTRO, as labeled? Doubt it. Is your suburban range pumping out French delicacies that are going to be served at a charming CAFE in Paris? (Of course you have probably identified your breakfast bar with a plaque stating CAFE, so I suppose anything is possible.)
After your croissant, you can head to the restroom, which has been conveniently labeled as the OUTHOUSE. This, of course, really adds to the country charm and antique feel of your home that was built last year. While in the bathroom, you get sucked into the INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE plastered above the kleenex box. As you step out of your zen-moment, you wonder where am I anyway? Instantly you are reminded and grounded by that fact that you are at the LAKE HOUSE. It's conveniently posted right above the couch. The home is owned by THE TAYLORS. (That's over the TV.)
Now that you know exactly where you are, perhaps you need guidance in what you ought to be doing. This is where signage along the lines of LAUGH, LIVE, LOVE comes in.
Don't mean to be peevish here, but...If you need to instruct someone in your home to LAUGH, your probably not that funny. Lord help you if you have to remind them to LIVE (might want to invest in a set of defibrillators rather than that shabby chic sign). And, if they need a banner to tell them to LOVE you, try taking away all of the plaques - they may at least like you more.
Is your kitchen really a BISTRO, as labeled? Doubt it. Is your suburban range pumping out French delicacies that are going to be served at a charming CAFE in Paris? (Of course you have probably identified your breakfast bar with a plaque stating CAFE, so I suppose anything is possible.)
After your croissant, you can head to the restroom, which has been conveniently labeled as the OUTHOUSE. This, of course, really adds to the country charm and antique feel of your home that was built last year. While in the bathroom, you get sucked into the INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE plastered above the kleenex box. As you step out of your zen-moment, you wonder where am I anyway? Instantly you are reminded and grounded by that fact that you are at the LAKE HOUSE. It's conveniently posted right above the couch. The home is owned by THE TAYLORS. (That's over the TV.)
Now that you know exactly where you are, perhaps you need guidance in what you ought to be doing. This is where signage along the lines of LAUGH, LIVE, LOVE comes in.
Don't mean to be peevish here, but...If you need to instruct someone in your home to LAUGH, your probably not that funny. Lord help you if you have to remind them to LIVE (might want to invest in a set of defibrillators rather than that shabby chic sign). And, if they need a banner to tell them to LOVE you, try taking away all of the plaques - they may at least like you more.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Asparagus Pee
This is a pet peeve for Mother Nature, because there is nothing to be done or said about this one. You intake the delicate, innocent shoots of newly grown asparagus and you output the scent of a thousand times rotted vegetables that have been bathing in pool of acidic eggs for a week. How does this transformation happen? And why must I be subjected to an urge to jump promptly off of the offending toilet almost immediately after eating this little plant?
Asparagus urine can be embarrassing, in addition to personally offending. What if you're at a public restroom? You worry that the person in the next stall, or heaven forbid, the person that comes in after you will wonder what the putrid smell is and what you did to produce it.
I would, however, like to inform you of one small light shining at the end of this vegetative tunnel. My husband recently did a bit a bit of research in this arena (yes, it's true), and found out that only 30% of people actually have the capability to smell asparagus pee. We all create it, but only an elite few can smell it. How crazy is that?! So, if you are of that other 70%, you have absolutely no idea what I have been talking about. And, if you are in the olfactory 30%, you need only worry about offending a minority of the population.
Asparagus urine can be embarrassing, in addition to personally offending. What if you're at a public restroom? You worry that the person in the next stall, or heaven forbid, the person that comes in after you will wonder what the putrid smell is and what you did to produce it.
I would, however, like to inform you of one small light shining at the end of this vegetative tunnel. My husband recently did a bit a bit of research in this arena (yes, it's true), and found out that only 30% of people actually have the capability to smell asparagus pee. We all create it, but only an elite few can smell it. How crazy is that?! So, if you are of that other 70%, you have absolutely no idea what I have been talking about. And, if you are in the olfactory 30%, you need only worry about offending a minority of the population.
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