Friday, April 15, 2011

Creative Facial Hair

I'm all for creativity.  But if hair is your medium and your face is the canvas, sometimes creativity isn't all it's cracked up to be.  If you insist on the beard (perhaps you have some sort of facial/chin/lip deformity you need to cover) or feel that the goatee is right for you - just stick to the basics.  You might be thinking that you can't get more basic than the classic mustache, but don't get ahead of yourself here.  Just cancel the mustache all together; unfortunately, the mustache has crossed over some unspoken line into the realm of the illegal.  It has gotten to the point where no one can pull it off - even Tom Selleck, the quintessential mustachio, has lately dabbled in the no-mustache zone.
Anyway, back to unacceptable facial hair.  In this category - anything that looks like a private part on your chin, anything referred to as a "flavor saver" (I mean, really, what flavors are you hoping to capture in there and save for later?  Lunch?), exceedingly long sideburns, and, for the Lord's own sake, the beard without the mustache.  This woefully lonely outline of a beard has the capability to turn any average Joe into a garden gnome.  This look definitely should have been allowed to lay in rest with Abe Lincoln.  In fact, I'm looking into a conspiracy theory regarding whether our thirteenth president was, in fact, assassinated because of his outline-style beard (aka his "Abe Lincoln").  With the hideousness of this look, anything is possible.

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