Hammocks - For the Reals

Okay, tonight I am really going to write about why hammocks peeve me out, because last night the details of my hammock hatred got wiped out in a single click of the computer.  Hammock Karma?  I think not.
So, the reason that hammocks make my pet peeve list is false advertising on the part of the hammock.  The idea that is supposedly represented by and defines the hammock is one of relaxation, comfort, and an association with paradise.  Hammocks are usually shown slung between two trees and give the impression that to lie back in one would be to leave all of your troubles behind you while you escape into the paradise of the hammock.
One problem with all of this - Hammocks stink.  (I don't literally mean smell, although that can often be the case when a hammock passes that initial maiden season.)  I mean that hammocks are lame.  They fall drastically short of all of their empty promises.  1.  Relaxation - No way.  The construction of the hammock requires a gillion knots that are pressing and probing into your body no matter how you arrange yourself on a hammock.  2.  Comfort - As if.  The very design of the hammock prevents anyone from reaching a state of comfort, as the body must at all times be contorted into somewhat of a pike position.  3.  Paradise - Think again.  You are, after all, slung beneath a couple of trees and all that goes along with it.  This means spider nests, sundry insects, bird poops, and whatever else can accumulate over a summer under the canopy of trees.
Perhaps I am missing something, but I don't think so.  I have sat in many a hammock in my day and have never felt my troubles slip away, but rather have been given trouble by the very hammock itself.