Saturday, January 29, 2011

Big Lady, Little Voice

This peeve is about being an adult and embracing the responsibilities of adulthood, such as suiting up with and using the voice of an adult.  Specifically, I am talking about the lady who insists on using the vocal style of a pre-adolescent doll.  You will find that the woman who speaks in this manner is 9 out of 10 times carrying around a considerable number of extra lbs and is also likely to raise an elegant little pinkie into the air while she nibbles her food.  The little-voiced woman is almost always a nibbler, at least in the public eye (behind closed doors this is likely not the case.)  Behind those same closed doors, the voice is also likely to be quite different, if the lady can admit it to herself.  Because it is literally physiologically impossible to retain the voice of Shirley Temple when you have passed the age of twenty three and have also passed the 175 lb marker on the scale.
I believe that the reason behind the voice is to imply to those around the person that what your eye sees is truly an illusion and, in fact, what your ear hears is the reality.  You see a fully developed woman, but if you were to close your eyes you might believe yourself to be in the presence of a gerbil or an elf.  Such daintiness collides violently with reality.  Please, let all women disembark from the Good Ship Lollipop, step out of the hamster cage, and embrace the voice of the lady that you truly are!