If you could, you should

 GUEST PEEVE!  ONCE AGAIN, MR. W GRACES US WITH ONE OF HIS MOST PROFOUND PET PEEVES.  ENJOY...

(Side note - Mr. W would like to dedicate this peeve to his mother-in-law and Seth Chapin.)

How often does someone say to you, “I could care less”?  For me it’s pretty often.  I see it in interviews, in newspapers, magazines, and hear it from coworkers, friends, and acquaintances on a regular basis.  Perhaps I’m just nitpicking, but the same question always pops into my head. If you could care less why don’t you? 

Also, why do you think I care that you could care less?  By all means, care less!  We live in America; we are free to care as little as we want! 

How much less could you care?  A lot less?  Just a little less?  If you could care less, could you also care more?  Are you simply on the fence?  Not sure whether to care more or care less, but you know that you can, and you want others to know as well?  I guess that would make sense….Sort of.

Why do you want me to know that you could care less?  Is it to show me your strength? “I could care less, but I’m not going to because that would mean that I’m giving in to caring less.”  I promise not to judge you for caring less.  I WANT YOU TO CARE LESS IF YOU COULD CARE LESS! 

On the other hand, if you couldn’t care less I would immediately understand.  You care so little about something that you couldn’t care any less than you already do (See Chart).  Got it.  That’s perfectly clear.  Thanks for sharing. 

I could care less about this peeve, but I don’t want to because I find it particularly annoying. 

On the other hand, I couldn’t care less if you are one of the offenders, and you think my peeve is stupid and pointless.