Hammocks

My whole peeve just got erased by my computer...what could peeve you more than that?!
Tune in for hammocks tomorrow when I have the patience to get this baby back up and running.

Selling Parties

I hope that I don't offend anyone with this one, but in order to be true to my own peevishness, I have to put it out there. 
The house party made to sell.  We've all been invited.  Perhaps some of us have even hosted.  (Yes, I have)  But, lets face it - Does anyone receive the invitation to the bead jewelry, lotion, make-up, housewares, kitchen supplies, silver jewelry, you-fill-in-the-blank party and shout out a "Great!  I can't wait!"?  No.  Everyone feels obliged to go.  Maybe a good friend is hosting the event or perhaps you know the seller well and feel the need to give them a good showing, but the bottom line is that you will have to buy something.
And let me be clear about the obligation to buy something, because this actually categorizes its own pet peeve.  You have to buy something.  If you don't, then don't go to the party.  No one is inviting you, providing you with a few bites off of the cheese plate and a bad glass of Chardonnay so that you can leave empty handed.  Even if you end up ordering the nail file for your mother-in-law, you have to make a purchase.  Or you, in fact, become the pet peeve.  Forget the annoyingness of the actual forced shopping event, you have surpassed the party itself as the bigger peeve.
I can recall nearly every item that I have had bought at in-house shopping parties.  Why?  Because I didn't really want any of them and they are usually - no, I am not going to soften it up - they are always overpriced.  Mud masks, foot lotions, bracelets, earrings, cookbooks, lip gloss, the list goes on... 
I'm not sure what the point of me peeving about this is, as I know the parties will continue as long as there remain extroverts with an entrepreneurial spirit and friends willing to force sales upon their unsuspecting associates, but I can still dream that one day the only invitations that I will receive will be parties with no purchase obligations.

Dropping the My

I would like to put a quick disclaimer on this pet peeve - It is not my peeve, but was suggested to me by my old cronie and fellow CSU Ram, Tricia Fry.  I'm going to attempt to share it, because when Tricia told me about this peeve, I instantly agreed.  She is so right.  The problem is when people casually drop the "my" when talking about a family member.  This means that someone whose mother you have never met says things to you like, "Mom is coming over to my house for dinner tonight."  or "Dad always has to have green bean casserole at Thanksgiving." 
Just this very method of communication with those outside of your family, who are not in fact related to these people, is TMI.  It's not my Grandma, so please don't refer to her in the familiar with me.  "My Grandma is coming into town." is appropriate.  "Grandma is coming into town." is not.  Did I miss something?  Are you talking about my grandma?  I guess you didn't get the memo that she passed away.  
Please, when it comes to dropping the "my", keep it in the family. 

The Poop Purse

What is perhaps the greatest bane of the dog owner in this day and age?  I can tell you easily.  It is the fact that one has to stoop over and handle canine feces every time you step out the door for a walk.  I actually stood my ground on not getting a dog for years largely based on the fact that I refused to handle hot and fragrant poop freshly laid by an animal.  The human race has developed everything from the high powered flush toilet to the bidet to thick and luxurious cottonelle toilet paper in order to avoid any contact with a bowel movement, and yet we voluntarily grab it with our hands, with only the thin veil of a plastic baggie for protection on a daily basis.  Oh, the humanity.
Don't get me wrong, I know that it is a necessary evil.  This peeve is a double-edged sword of sorts, as people that do not pick up their animal dung and leave it you to later spray about with your lawn mower (into your socks and what not) should be a pet peeve in and of themselves.   

Extendable Leashes

This is literally a "pet" peeve - The extendable leashes that people use for their dogs.  What is the point of a leash if it extends for a half of a mile?  Are you really taking your dog for a walk?  I don't know if it qualifies when, technically, you could stand on your front porch while your dog walks itself around the block on it's extendable leash.
One of the reasons that this type of apparatus peeves me is that I find it irritating that a dog can be sniffing my buns and generally invading my own private space while his owner stands on the other side of the street holding his "leash".  The extendable leash is sort of the antithesis of the child leash, which I have peeved about before.  The dog needs a leash.  It is only polite.  Control it.  Put something on your pet that won't allow him to extend beyond your line of vision or the beyond the line of reason.

P.S. While searching for a photo to accompany this peeve, I just found out that this type of leash is, in fact, quite dangerous for the animal at the end of it...so, HA, an even more substantial reason not to use one!!

Tailgating

I believe that this is a pet peeve that we can all agree on.  Sort of a universal peeve.  Does anyone enjoy being tailgated?  For that matter, I can't understand why anyone enjoys being the tailgater.  Isn't it annoying to have to constantly make sure that you are not going to actually touch bumpers with the car in front of you, repeatedly tapping the breaks, knowing that you are increasing your risk of an accident with every inch that you move closer?
My least favorite kind of tailgater is not the guy that is in an obvious break-neck hurry, pummeling past cars and getting in near accidents at every turn of the highway.  Don't get me wrong, this guy is no fun, but the guy that really bugs me is the one that isn't in a hurry, but is, in fact, just leisurely tailgating you.  It's tailgating as a life style choice, as opposed to tailgating as a means to moving faster.  You switch lanes, thinking that leisurely tailgater guy wants to get past you, but he doesn't pass you.  He simply latches onto someone else's bumper or maybe, if your lucky, he pastes himself back onto your tail.  I wish that I could convey to people that my backseat is really not that comfortable, then perhaps they wouldn't want to park their car in it.

Identifying the Funny

Man, it peeves me when people say, "You are so funny."  I know that sounds lame, actually lamer than I thought now that it is in writing, but it irks me when someone says or does something funny and those around them respond by stating "You're so funny."  It just seems like an oxymoron or a double negative or a double entendre or whatever you would call that.  If something is funny, isn't the most appropriate response laughter?  I never understand if these people stating the obvious have a limited ability to laugh and, so, need to fill in the missing chuckles with words, or if they actually feel it's a necessary component and response to a joke or funny moment.  I find that stating that someone is funny in the middle of a time normally occupied by laughter creates a certain awkwardness, almost like there is an expectation for more, now that the personality of said person has been defined as the funny guy.  I might even go so far as to label this moment as a buzz kill.
Go ahead and tell your friend Bob, "Hey that guy Joe is really funny."  Or the single guy at your office, "I should set you up with Sue, she's really funny."  But, for the sake of the moment, just laugh when someone says something funny - don't be that guy that throws the old "You are so funny" wet blanket on it. 

Inappropriate Childwear

My peeve-o-meter begins to twitch when I see adults in those ridiculous t-shirts that say stupid stuff that often borders or dives right into the vulgar.  For example:  "I'm With Stupid," "I Apologize in Advance for Staring at Your Tits," I could go on, but I think you get the point - and, yes, these are real t-shirts that I have witnessed).
The inappropriate children's t-shirts that continue on this same vein push my peeve-o-meter into overdrive.  Adults have the choice to be an idiot.  But by putting your child in these t-shirts, you pigeon hole them into the role of idiot - and I believe that this role could end up being the one they will play for life.
What do you think a teacher thinks when you send your child to school in a "I Didn't Do It" shirt, "Little Devil," or "Don't Blame Me!"  Let me just tell you, it doesn't say 'Model Student.'  It also doesn't say 'These parents are really hoping for the best for their child.'  It's sort of like buying your child a ticket to the slow lane.  Yeah, get out there and be a loser! 
Why not take it to the next level?  A couple of my personal favorite children's t-shirts that have arrived at school on the backs of first graders:  "If You See the Police...Warn a Brother" (accompanying the Warner Brothers logo) or the simple glory of "Bull Shirt." 
These are all real gems.  Might I suggest the old solid color, blank t-shirt?  Perhaps the child them self could just do the talking, rather than the shirt.  Or maybe you could get them a shirt with a college logo and give them something new to strive for.

Long Fingernails in the Wrong Places

When I say the wrong places in regards to long fingernails, I am not talking about a certain restaurant or exclusive "no fingernail" club.  (Although perhaps these types of limitations should be enforced - I once went to a brunch buffet when I was about twelve with a full set of Lee Press-Ons and you can't imagine the amount of whipped cream I later recovered from under those babies.)  Anyway, back to the wrong places.  What I mean, specifically, is - 1. On the hands of men, and 2. On the feet of anyone.
I get that long fingernails are making a resurgence, thank you to the likes of Beyonce and Rhianna.  I may not be growing out my daggers anytime soon, but I can appreciate those who wish to do so.  If you've got 'em, grow 'em.
I do not, however, get long fingernails on men.  Ever.  Talk about gag me with a bottle of clear coat.  Long nails on men is so Count Dracula.  Gross.  Likely excuses:  You play the guitar or some other stringed instrument.  So...get a pic; the fingernails are still inexcusable.  I've also heard that people have long fingernails in order to do some type of drug.  Cocaine?  Well, if you've ever needed a reason to kick the habit...Long fingernails could be the straw that broke the addicts back.
Let's confront the ugliness of long toenails.  It just seems so wrong, harking back to those frightening photos you used to marvel over/be revolted by as a child in the Guinness Book of World Records of that mysterious Chinese lady that had never cut her toenails, which twisted and contorted themselves around her sandals.  (I searched for a photo of this memory, but can't seem to find one.  Perhaps the modern world can't handle it.)  Please don't get a French manicure on your toes.  You're supposed to be able to put those things in shoes and run and stuff.  Keep it clean.

"Naturally Thin" Starlets

I'll make this quick, because it may be getting a bit persnickety on the peeve front.  But...have you ever noticed the extremely high number of who's-who types that claim to eat whatever they want and do nothing and yet they have the taut and toned body of an Olympian-yogi-preteen hybrid?  The ratio of flexed stars who act as though they simply sit around nibbling on Popeye's biscuits while watching the boob-tube is just not statistically possible.
Why can't famous people just say that they don't eat everything that they want to and that they exercise more than most Americans?  I think that their fans may actually like them more if they just let it rip.  I don't believe that Kate Winslet eats fish and chips all the time like she claims and that she just dropped massive lbs by deciding on a more positive body image.  I am not falling for the person that makes that face in interviews like "sorry!  I really don't do anything!" (fake apologizing) while their biceps outline is so clearly defined.